The swinging carousel of life

The birds chirp a tad louder,
The colors seem a bit brighter,
From the sidelines of the circus that is this world, I see
That Life I owe myself I can see,
Calling me to try,
Yet this swinging carousel of life passes me by.

I see people riding on it,
Laughing and chatting with utmost gaiety.
I try and hop on,
A glimpse of the fast ride egging me on
But the swinging carousel of life passes me by.

I feel the rush and I feel the edginess,
The fervour for things to be done.
The dream of a life I have dreamt again and again,
Till I know by heart each and every frame
Yet the swinging carousel of life passes me by.

Rain rain

Rain rain, don't come again,
Or come again in a million days
When India is a better place.

Floods will come, landslides galore,
People and property will remain no more.
While our netas keep away
In Delhi or USA.

A love I won't forget

She listened to him talk excitedly. His dark eyes shining and his strong muscular hands making huge gestures as he explained to her his plan.she smiled despite herself. That's why she had loved him. The compassion the ambition... Despite herself,A bubble of laughter escaped her throat. He looked at her ,a tinge of pleasure touching his eyes.
She looked down and picked up her camera.Why don't I take pics?! She said.

She busied herself taking his photographs while he posed with his painting. Like a kid, he posed.her eyes followed his arms to his chest. He was wearing a white linen shirt loosely buttoned showing his lanky frame.the top button of his jeans was undone,he had hurriedly put on his pair when the courier had arrived.his loose hair falling on his broad forehead. Did he notice her thoughts on her face, she wondered as she flicked through the photos she clicked on her phone. So when she looked at the photos she had taken she missed the shadow that passed in his eyes.
24 hours later, she tip toed into her house. There it was in the middle of their studio apartment.her boyfriend's prize winning painting. She shook off her apron and looked at it. And wondered for the hundredth time what it meant. As a doctor, she could never operate on her relatives . Similarly she could never understand the depth of these paintings. She faced the same mental block.because in both cases, it mattered too much. this time though she felt as if this time was important.as if there was a pertinent message to be known.she sighed to herself. A little bit of hatred for herself escaping with her sigh.she bet that was why James had started hating her in the first place.
He would have slept by now. She entered the cramped bedroom. Both she and James had taken this small apartment a few months back. All they could afford on her salary and his intermittent one. And she had put her foot down that James should keep the biggest space for his studio.he had been apologetic about that for a long time. But then that too had passed away.
He now made a total
Mess of the place. She cleaned as she walked to where he was sleeping on the bed. Prone with half his body hanging off the side. Like a hundred evenings before, she felt the similar rise of very protective almost motherly feelings towards him.
She knelt near him and slowly turned him over. She wondered if every girl felt a little bit maternal towards the guy she loved.

She smoothened the bed, loosened his shirt and pulled the bed sheet over him.lastly she angled his arm back on the bed. She always did this last. She sat there on the floor and gazed at his face. Why he slept so easily though their most tender ritual of the day  time together was beyond her.

She freshened up in the bathroom.her tired self yearning for the bed, for his proximity.
It was then she saw it. The condom box lying on the floor near the dustbin.they hadn't had sex for weeks now.
Something clicked in her mind. Or rather got undone.

Everything went blank around her. She couldn't see. And for a moment she felt like screaming. Her despair a cry to the universe.But it passed.she willed it to pass.
Like always. She looked away like she had been from everything happening for he past few months.
She washed her face avoiding the mirror.she feared what she would see. She had lost more hair she knew. A pimple had cropped up on her chin.but,most of all she couldn't see the tears and sadness welling up in her eyes .

Sometimes, one doesnt realize what one carries forward. human beings imbibe feelings, emotions and habits from around themselves.Knowingly or unknowingly.

years have passed by,staying in one place. studying and now working here.( internship..i am not glorifying it. :P )we crib and we cry about this fact. the stagnancy of our situation and the dull place our college is. 

first year had gone in a haste. running around for lectures,cadaver workshops and biochemistry experiments.nothing of which i remember. there are things which seep into our behavior. like when i am sitting in OPD and a patient walks in;and something that our anatomy professors told us,pops up in my mind: notice the patient's gait. that is how you start examining your patient before even touching him.

or when we leave the hospital building,take off your aprons. it does not reflect well on a doctor's personality when he walks on the road with aprons on.something,again anatomy professors taught us..

Bhuiyan ma am 's stress on discipline. Shyam kishore sir 's sheer awesomeness. Rajgopal ma am's inspiring interest in embryology. Even though we may not know much anatomy now or we spent first year trying to be (ir)responsible adults,first time out of our homes..we carry forward the importance of anatomy. There have been so many people who have taught us. So many clinics we have attended or tried to attend!each giving us tit bit of a fact to learn,remember and keep with us while treating patients later on in life.yet,i mentioned only anatomy because that was the beginning of our journey. 

When we entered college ,we were very proud of getting into 'the' KEM! But then, that wore off. And news that the students in jj get to do a lot of stuff besides studies...bands , dance; and "nothing". came in. imagine , we used to say to each other..doing nothing!! no lectures and  no compulsory attendance.seemed like paradise.
i was never the too enthusiastic kinds.I had never done a esr or ems till internshipstarted,unlike some juniors i meet in the hospital.I may have studied well but often missed out on good books.I never was top of class or even close to it.but, nevertheless ,i feel i have learned things.nothing tangible , nothing which will make you think that this article is productive !if i have to necessarily put it in words,then there is a certain demeanor, an outlook , an attitude. and of course,being from kem, knowledge of the rarest of cases!
In the end,when our aim is eventually , not marks or distinctions ,but being a good doctor.i feel that some how KEM has managed that for us.